Day 300

The city or town that you were raised in always holds a special place in your heart.  I was born in Tulsa Oklahoma.  I met my husband in Tulsa.  I got married in Tulsa.  I had my first son in Tulsa.  The first house we owned was in Tulsa.  We moved to North Dallas about three and half years ago, but to me, Tulsa will always be home.  If I were to find out one day that Tulsa wasn’t doing so great and it might be wiped off the face of the earth in a few years, it would be heartbreaking.

When Nehemiah received news of the condition of Jerusalem, the land that was promised to God’s people, he was heartbroken.  He resided in Persia, but his heart was in Jerusalem.  He knew the city was important to God, so it was important to Him.  It grieved him to hear that her walls had been broken down and her gates destroyed by fire.  He sat down and mourned for Jerusalem for about an hour and then he went on his way, realizing he was just one man and there was no way he could do anything to help the city that he loved.

No, actually he sat down and wept and mourned for DAYS!  He fasted and prayed constantly before the God of Heaven.  During that time, God was doing something in his heart, something that would change Jerusalem forever.  The days Nehemiah spent mourning were crucial to the assignment God would give him to rebuild the walls.

When heartbreaking things happen we tend to want to get over them as soon as possible, but whenever we force ourselves to “dry up” and get over it instead of taking the proper amount of time to mourn, we may miss out on God doing something life changing in our hearts.

It’s okay to mourn and it’s okay to mourn for more than a day… Nehemiah mourned for DAYS, but he didn’t just cry and feel sorry for God’s favorite city, He cried and He prayed.  He had very real conversations with the Lord.  He didn’t mourn alone, He mourned with God and God showed him how he could help.

What would the world look like if people actually took time to mourn with God instead of trying to get over grief asap?  What would the world look like if we all slowed down and let God work on our hearts about the things that sadden us?  What if we all grieved like Nehemiah grieved?

You are just one person same as Nehemiah was just one person, but God can use you to influence more lives than you can imagine.

I grieved with God for about a month after the loss of our son Felix, and during that month God began to speak to me about writing this blog.  I was nervous about it.  I didn’t even mention it to my husband Josh, because I wasn’t sure if I was actually going to do it.  One night while he was out of town I decided to sit down and write and just see what happened… my first post seemed to magically come together.  I knew it was exactly what God had been asking me to do, so the next morning I shared it on Facebook.  300 days later and I can’t believe all that God has done through me.  23,000 views, countless e-mails from women who have lost babies that have been encouraged by it and a desire in my heart to share it with even more people in the form of a book.

It was while I was grieving God stirred my heart to write.  Don’t rush to get out grief instead grieve with God and let him do something great in you.

Any great work of God begins with God doing a great work in somebody. – David Guzik

  1. God doesn’t expect you to get over your grief a.s.a.p.
  2. If you mourn with God He  can do something great in your heart.
  3. He turns mourning into dancing.
  4. One person can influence many persons.
  5. I grieved with God and during that process He gave me the idea for 10kreasons.
  6. 300 days of writing and learning and going deeper with God.
  7. Over 23,000 views on 10kreasons.
  8. The women who have taken time to e-mail me their stories and let me know that they are being ministered to by the blog.
  9. T-town!  Tulsa will always have a special place in my heart.
  10. Bills paid.
  11. Yummy leftover pizza from Mellow Mushroom.
  12. Beau brought me her kid’s Bible and let me read the whole thing to her this morning.
  13. Beau’s so cute with her flower clips in her hair.
  14. Gus has been very responsible with his Nintendo D.S.  He always puts it back in it’s spot when he is finished playing and makes sure it’s being charged for the next day.
  15. Kids are old enough that I can put on a show for them, tell them not to answer the door, and go take a shower.
  16. Worship tonight at Gateway Frisco was so powerful.  Happy to have Amber back!
  17. Pastor Robert is back!!!  So glad he’s feeling better!
  18. Awesome message on honoring and loving the physical body that God has given us.
  19. Pastor Robert is not prideful.  He shared so openly about the things God has been dealing with him about and I know what he shared will help many people.
  20. Lots of people getting baptized in the rain tonight!
  21. Yummy green chile chicken enchilada casserole tonight for dinner.
  22. Beau asked for seconds!
  23. I’m not sure how it’s possible, but Beau seems to be getting cuter every single day.  She is such a perfect little girl.
  24. My sweet friend Julie is celebrating her birthday today.  Awesome mom, wife, friend, and follower of Christ.  The kind of person that challenges you every time you get around her.
  25. Online shopping!
  26. Finally found some cute maternity dresses for church.
  27. A few minutes after I tucked Gus in I heard him crying I went to check on him and when I asked him why he was crying he said, “I never want to grow up.  I want to be a little boy forever so I can always live with you and dad.”  I told him he’s welcome to stay with us for as long as he wants!  Sweet boy!

Day 289

Last April a Facebook friend and an “acquaintance” of mine from more than 10 years ago delivered her daughter stillborn.  I remember reading about it on Facebook and crying my eyes out for her.  Like I said, she wasn’t a close friend, but I knew her well enough that my heart broke for her.  3 months later I delivered my son stillborn.

The acquaintance that I used to pass in the halls at my old church and see working at Pottery Barn Kids every once and a while reached out to me.  She sent me a message on Facebook and let me know that she was praying for me.  She let me know if I needed anyone to talk to I could talk to her.  She sent me flowers.  She quickly changed from an acquaintance to a close friend.

She knew unlike anyone else on earth exactly what I was facing.  What happened with my son Felix that caused him to be born still only happens in 1 out of 50,000 pregnancies.  The odds of knowing someone else that it has happened to are extremely rare,  but my old acquaintance/new friend had lost her sweet daughter the same way.

It was so comforting to know that I wasn’t the only one in the entire world to go through what I was going through.  It was so comforting to read the words she wrote on the card that came with the flowers, “He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.”  I knew He had done that for her and her family and that he would do the same for me.

I’m forever grateful for that friendship.  I know not everyone knows someone on earth that is going through or has been through what they are going through.

This morning as I was praying for all of the people affected by the tragic tornado in Moore Oklahoma I could see with my imagination a mother sobbing over the child she lost.  God spoke to me and told me she felt like no one would ever understand how deeply her heart hurts and to pray that someone would share this scripture with her,

Isaiah 53:3 He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief…

That man of sorrows is Jesus.

He never lost a child in a devastating tornado, but when He went to the cross He was made to feel exactly what the woman grieving her child in Oklahoma is feeling today.  He was never diagnosed with cancer, but He was made to feel what a person feels when they receive that kind of news.  He never caught his spouse in an affair, but He was made to feel what someone feels when that happens to them.

Any and every kind of physical or mental pain and sorrow He’s been through.  He willingly went though it ALL, so He could relate to us in every area of our lives.  He’s not just an acquaintance with grief, He knows it, He’s lived it, He’s felt it.

Why would He put Himself through every type of grief imaginable?

He knew He must become a man of sorrows so He could become the God who heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.  He wanted to feel what we feel so He would know exactly how to minister healing to us.

Whatever you are going through remember that there is one who knows exactly how you feel.  There is one who loves you so much He got to know your grief on a very personal level.  You are not alone, but the man of sorrows turned healer of the broken hearted is with you.

  1. Jesus went through every type of grief imaginable, for us.
  2. Jesus heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.  Psalm 147:3.
  3. God can show you specific people that you are praying for even if you’ve never met that person.
  4. God knows what the lady in Oklahoma who lost her child is feeling and He can comfort her!
  5. My old acquaintance turned very special friend, J.J.
  6. J.J. & I went through similar situations last year, we will go through similar situations this year, but this time they will be joyful situations!  She is pregnant too and due just 3 weeks before me.  God is so cool!
  7. Felt very rested when my alarm went off this morning.  I guess that’s what happens when you go to bed at 9:45.
  8. The first responders that are working around the clock to pull people from the tornado wreckage.  True heroes.
  9. The teacher that broke the rules and prayed in school and asked God to save the kids she was laying on to protect from the tornado.  Her prayer was answered.
  10. Over 100 people have been rescued from the wreckage.
  11. So many churches and organizations running to the rescue and being Jesus for the people affected by the storms.
  12. Beau was especially patient at the mall today.  She had to spend about 30 minutes with me in a dressing room and was just as sweet as she could be!
  13. Don’t Let The Pigeon Finish This Activity Book.  Gus’ graduation present.  He loved just looking through the pages.  Should keep us busy this summer.
  14. Surprised to find this new Elephant & Piggy book came out!  Had to add it to our collection.
  15. Got to watch Gussy get his first diploma today.  He was ridiculously cute in his cap and gown.
  16. Gus did a great job saying the closing prayer!
  17. Got to see Gus’ “journal entries” for the entire school year.  It was so funny and sweet seeing what he drew each day and what he told the teacher the drawings were of.  I’m glad she took the time to write down what he said they were or I would have been lost on some days.
  18. “I Am A Promise I Am A Possibility”  what a great song for the kids to sing at graduation today.
  19. His teacher for most of the year, Mrs Cotaya, was able to come all the way from Florida to watch the class graduate.
  20. Mrs. Jeacock did a great job finishing the rest of the year out as teacher.
  21. Mrs. Harris.  Sweetest assistant teacher ever.  So glad Gus will have her again next year!
  22. Just rain this afternoon, no bad storms.
  23. Beau took a long nap this afternoon even after she slept a little before the graduation and had a cupcake at after party!
  24. Josh made delicious turkey burgers for dinner.
  25. Clean house!!!
  26. Gus & Beau played all night together.  Gus was Wreck It Ralph with his new big Ralph gloves and Beau was Fix It Felix with Gus’ hammer.  They are so cute to watch.
  27. Finished an awesome episode of Sherlock with Josh tonight.  Can’t wait for season 3 to start!