Day 51

Usually, shortly after you deliver a baby the room fills with family and friends and laughter and smiles, pictures are being taken, and the feeling of hope for the little being that just took it’s first breath is through the roof.  But obviously the mood in the room after we delivered our son still born was drastically different.  When we arrived at the hospital to deliver the doctor warned us that it would be the hardest day of our lives, I didn’t believe him.  I didn’t think it could be worse than when we found out our baby had died just a few days earlier at a routine ultrasound.  We were prayed up and we were speaking God’s word going into the delivery, but the doctor was right.  It was the hardest day of our lives.

I could have lost heart, but I didn’t.  When I read this verse today it helped me to see why.

Psalm 27:13  I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  

When David wrote this he didn’t say he didn’t lose heart because he could see the goodness of the Lord, he said he didn’t lose heart because he believed he would see it.  In other words, he couldn’t see the goodness of the Lord when he was going through difficulty, but he had faith that he would see it someday!

In the hours after the delivery waiting to go home, feeling completely robbed, it was hard to see the goodness of God, but I never doubted that I would see it.  I believed that the next time I delivered a baby I would be leaving the hospital with him in my arms.  I believed that God would give me beauty for ashes.  I believed God would give us a garment of praise instead of a spirit of heaviness.  I believed God would give us double for our trouble.  I KNEW I would see the goodness of God, and that kept me from losing heart.  Our faith in God’s goodness got us through.  Almost three months later  I can say with confidence that we have seen the goodness of God, we’ve seen it everyday, and I know there’s more seeing to do!

So if it seems like the goodness of God is way off in the distance, don’t lose heart.  If you use your faith and believe that you will see it, your faith shall be your eyes.

“Those that walk by faith in the goodness of God shall in due time walk in the sight of that goodness” – Matthew Henry

  1. Faith in God’s goodness helped me to not lose heart.
  2. It didn’t take long at all to see God’s goodness in the land of the living.
  3. God told me today He’s got more goodness for me to see.  Exciting!!
  4. “I Will Rise” by Chris Tomlin. Love these lyrics, “there’s a day that’s drawing near when this darkness breaks to light, and the shadows disappear and my faith shall be my eyes”
  5. God dropped a big desire into my heart this morning when I was jogging.
  6. He gives us the desires of our hearts!!
  7. Beau woke up in the night and needed me.  Her little voice in the dark saying “mama?” to make sure I was still by her crib was so very sweet.
  8. Beau only saw Josh yesterday for 30 minutes or so and she let him know this morning she missed him.
  9. Our car was filled with praise on the way to school.
  10. Shopping at Target with my sweet little girl.
  11. Found some cute fall clothes!
  12. Tried story time at the library.  Beau had a constant smile on her face.
  13. A clean house.
  14. There were a lot of little girls excited when Gus got to school this morning.  I could tell he was embarrassed by all of their hugs.
  15. Fun play date after school for Gus & for me!
  16. Josh got to go to a Ranger’s game for free tonight.. good seats too!
  17. He got to hang out with some good guys that love God.
  18. Girls night at my house!  8 girls + Gus.
  19. Pizza for dinner.
  20. Root Beer Floats for dessert per Gus’ request.
  21. The kids all played so great together.
  22. I loved spending time with my great friends Julie & Anna!
  23. My sweet Aunt Melba is celebrating her birthday.  One of the nicest people in the world.
  24. My mother-in-law taught me a new word today – sagacious.
  25. Unsolicited hugs from Gussy.
  26. Beau woke up after only 45 minutes of napping, she usually naps for 2 hours.  I felt like I was supposed to wait 5 minutes to see if she would go back to sleep.. she did!  Thank you Holy Spirit.
  27. Productive work day thanks to the good nap!
  28. Spent the evening doing my hair and worshipping to some old school Desperation Band from 2006.  A lot of memories tied to the “Who You Are” album.

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